pranic_energy

So....I failed first semester Algebra 2.

....fuck I'm dead.


That's means I have summer school.

I don’t remember how I got there, or what I was doing. I awoke in an unfamiliar place a little dizzy. The only lighting was from underneath a door at the end of the room. The feeling was nauseating--open this foreign door or not? I walked to the door and tried to listen for anything or anyone that might be on the other side. I opened it to find what I could have never guessed.

There was a maze that stretched on for what seemed to be an eternity. A dream? I slapped myself so I would wake up. It turned out that I just gave myself a burning cheek. Ooww.

          I started walking and turned around to see a tiny square shaped house no bigger than a bedroom. I tried not to worry about how I ended up there. I continued my path, bumping into corners and tripping over stones. I fell over a branch fixed to the ground, and wondered if I should just stay there and wait for someone to pick me up, until I noticed that there were footprints. “Strange.” I muttered. The size of these foot prints were five times the size of mine. I walked a little faster, mind wandering everywhere.

          I didn’t take time earlier to notice the dusty gray color of the sky. It almost had an eerie feeling to it. At this point, everything did.

          Just when I was about to give up, I came across a single lonely tree with a swing. It looked so old in all its loneliness. I sat on it to relax my mind, and fell asleep.

***

The bright sun through my eyelids woke me with a scare. That or I had just fallen off of the swing. I was upset to find that I was still in this mysterious place. I got up and my stomach growled like a thunderstorm. I hadn’t remembered the last time I ate.  I rummaged through my pockets to find some food and came across a granola bar. I was always prepared. 

The next few hours went by with little action besides my shirt getting caught in a branch. After a while something caught my eye, something breezed right past me. I immediately felt goose bumps on my arms. I looked down, foot prints!  There was a tiny scrap of paper flowing through the wind, I jumped up to grab it, It read; The creatures with the big feet will guide you to what you seek.

I did as the note told me; I scurried along this path of enormous feet. I followed until they had just suddenly stopped. There were two goblin-looking statues facing one another, I studied each one and heard a very faint heart beat. Their eyes were moving! “Excuse me, sir?”….I waited for an answer. Nothing. “I know I’m not going crazy, anyone in there? I don’t know where I’m at, and I really want to go home….please!” I stared at each one hoping for an answer, simultaneously thinking I was going crazy. I turned around to continue somewhere else. “That’s not the way” said someone behind me. I flashed around; both statues were still as a rock when one of them sneezed abruptly. “What did you say?” I demanded. The greenish one cleared his throat, “Mhhm, you aint going the right way, little human.”

          “Oh,” I tried not to ask him what his problem was, “Uhm, can you please help me get home? I don’t know how I got here.” “Why should we?” the grayish one asked. They were both really fat and dressed in poor clothes. “Well, first I don’t think I’ll make it that far alone.” I paused a long while. “Second?” asked the gray one. “I don’t know. Do you two...” I didn’t know what to address them as, “...fellas have names?” “Yeeaas we do, my name’s Gilliam, and the green one is Egeus.” “Well hello, my name is Camilla.” Awkward silence. “So, what’s this place all about?” Strangely I wasn’t intimidated or afraid of Gilliam and Egeus. “I can assure you you’ve never seen no place like this.”  Double negative, I was always the one to catch grammar mistakes. “We get a lot of your type here,” Gilliam did most of the talking. “I don’t know if any of em ever got out. Then again, we never helped one either!” He had a powerful, loud laugh. “Somethin bout you seems all right and we just might help ya out.” I was brightened with relief. “Oh thank you! Thank you!” I was halfway in a hug with both of them just before I smelt the stench of them both. A smile should work fine in this case.

          “What’s the first thing you remember about getting ‘ere?” asked Egeus. “I remember waking up in a small dark house.” That memory was so mysterious to me. Almost like a dream now. “Ohh, you got Vermir’s House. I haven’t heard anyone come out of that one for a while.” Gilliam sounded a little surprised. “Who’s Vermir?” Curiosity got the best of me. “Legend says he was the only one of his kind, he would always stare out his window and he would never sleep. Anyone who went into his house never came out.” I shuddered.

          They led me through the maze with ease. I followed, eyes wandering curiously all around. This place looked so ancient. Everything was covered with webs and moss. We stopped at a swamp. I got queasy at the first inhale of the swampy smell.  “Now be careful” Egeus said. “We don’t want anything to come up and grab your feet. Those swamp gators have needles for teeth.” There was a poorly built bridge fairly close to the brown water.  Knowing me, I’d probably fall in and get myself eaten alive.  The swamp was surrounded by large, tall trees with nothing but green. By this time of day, the sun was peaking through the trees revealing a honey color.

          Whew. As we kept walking my stomach growled again, this time making both Gilliam and Egeus turn around and look at me in disbelief. Not believing that noise came from me. “Oh, humans gotta eat too.” Gilliam said their type only eat once every couple days-how convenient. They lead me to their so called house and almost broke the flimsy wooden door upon entering. No couch, TV, or anything. They did have a kitchen with a big pot on the stove with who knows what in it. “Okay, here ya go, I cooked it myself.” He looked rather proud. Oh great, I’m a guinea pig for his cooking experiments. I already had my nose plugged. First bite in and I wanted to rush to the bathroom. But-it was food. I forced it down to my stomach in the longest five minutes ever.

          That night Egeus had set up a bed with a nice feather pillow and a blanket on the floor. I was a little hesitant to sleep on the floor, only because of the bugs I’m sure their house had. Once my head hit the pillow I was out.

 

***

 

          I awoke once again and heard talking, almost whispering. “You think we should tell her?” Gilliam asked Egeus. “No, we will lead her there and she will figure it out for herself.” “Now let her sleep. Tomorrow will be the day.” I heard Egeus say. I felt sick. What were they going to do with me? Where am I going? I couldn’t pretend to sleep any longer. I made a small sound to warn them I’d wake up soon. Thump. My hand banged against the wall and I ‘woke’ up. “Morning, what are the plans today?” I felt nauseous trying to pretend to sound happy. Gilliam answered “Uhm, we’re taking you to a special place today. We ‘ave to make sure no one sees you because it’s very secret.” “Special? Where? Where are you taking me?” I demanded sounding horrified. What if they weren’t on my side at all this whole time? They could be leading me to my death! I had poor sense of judgment. “Just follow our lead, if you leave us now, you’ll be sure to get killed.” My stomach turned some more. I wanted, I needed to get home.

          It was still dark outside and very cold. I was taken to a large castle. I noticed Egeus had a very large bag. “Get in.” He demanded. “What? No! You’re trying to kill me!” I was about to run off when Gilliam caught my arm and said “Look, you’re goin’a have to trust us. We don’t usually help or even talk to humans. You being here can get us killed. Just follow our directions.” “Fine.” I unwillingly crawled into the bag feeling claustrophobic. It was hard to breathe. “What’s in the bag, peasants?” asked an unfamiliar voice. Egeus replied “It’s some old antiques we brought from Ol Ginny’s Place to store in the castle, sir.” “Right this way.” That odd voice said. I could feel Egeus was running. He told me to get out of the bag once a heard a door shut; once I did I saw we were in a dark room with a big black door.

          I had already guessed that I was going through that door somehow. “Go through that door and think of where you want to be.” Gilliam looked nervous. “It’s a door no one knows about ‘cept the royal family and us two. Think very hard of your desire. It will take you to what you seek.” The note, it was right. Some part of me didn’t want to see what was on the other side, I hated mysteries. They pushed me towards the door, and told me to hurry. I thought very hard, but couldn’t remember a thing about my home or family or friends. I just thought of comfort. I opened the knob to the door, squeezed my eyes shut and took two steps and fell off an edge of darkness.

 

***

 

Ouch. I stepped into brightness. Where was I? I don’t remember how I got there, or what I was doing and I felt dizzy. I walked ahead and my eyes adjusted to the light. I turned around to see where I came from and it was a small dark house that I remember seeing somewhere. All of a sudden, a feeling of comfort overcame me. I was in my town. I was back home. But when did I leave? It all came back to me in a flash.

Earlier that morning I was angry. I remember storming off into town, walking to flush out the anger. I came across a small dark house that looked ancient. Somewhere I could be alone. I walked inside and….curiosity got the best of me.

My name is Alyssa. I am always up for a friendly battle of guitar hero. I don't freak out if I burp or fart and I feel more comfortable around the guys. I refuse to let someone beat me in ice-hockey. I get really bored of texting, I don't keep up with the teenage frenzy these days. You'd be surprised at the energy I can have, then again I can be a complete and total hermit. I will choose Family Guy or George Lopez over almost anything on TV. I recite lines from movies on a daily basis. I'm lactose intolerant and I am constantly picking at my cuticles. I feel most comfortable in jeans. I'm usually not attracted to boys my age. I am willing to be friends with anyone, but you have to put a little effort in as well. I see you for who you are--the good and the bad. I am Alyssa. Though my name says nothing about me whatsoever.



"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet"

I honestly think that the truth box and all things associated with that area is silly. Now, I'm sure a lot would disagree, but that's fine. I'm posting my own personal opinion. It's really disappointing how the generation today looks at life in such a meaningless way. Not all, but most, I appreciate those who still make an effort. But it's all about the friends and the boys and the sex and drugs and myspace/webcamming. I know I know, past generations were about that too [discluding internet] but they did it in a very different manner, I'd say. And really, it's not even all that great. People/teens/whatever go to school/work and socialize and feel the need to come back home and socialize some more. And what for? A comment saying "How are you?" from someone who probably honestly could care less about how you're doing. I'll admit, I've done it too. But I'm tired of it, and it's boring. Which is why I don't even bother anymore.

I'd appreciate some more real, honest, genuine people. I have my own handful, but I wish more people could open their eyes and see the world for it's beauty--and the ugly. I want the beauty, I'll make my beauty.

It's nice, I missed it. However I really enjoy it in Texas, the weather there is always so nice and warm. : )

I came back to California in shorts, forgetting our horrible rain. The flight back home was the most terrifying flight I've ever been on. (I don't want to jinx myself) But we had some pretty caraazy turbulence. We came in at around 7, already pitch black by then. Our plane was in dark gray clouds and shaking from side to side. It also lowered itself like the Drop Zone ride. SO TERRIFYING. I was already thinking of my funeral. Basically I thought it was the end for me..

Buuut we got through it and I'm still here. Hooray. :p

I don't know what the purpose of the post is, but I miss writing down some of my thoughts.

(Just my rambling..)

Recently I've been so stressed on my independent study work I've had all week and still have to finish today. I've had five dreams of me not turning it in on time within the past three days. (naps and whatnot) I don't mean to go all depressed, but I feel as though my absence from school was rarely missed. Not that people don't care about me, but I want to have a better, more positive impact on people. I really do. I think I just have a lot on my mind that I forget to relax and enjoy people's company. I need to relax...

Haha, my ideal mode of transportation...hmm. Well I just saw the movie Meet The Robinsons, and I thought it was genius. It was cute how their transportation was bubbles. They had this building where these people would stand on this little platform and a bubble would be mechanically blown onto them. They would get to their destinations standing in a bubble! Talk about the COOLEST transportation ever. But realistic wise, maybe flying cars like the Jetsons, <---I know, pretty original, right? (:

OR EVEN, maybe my dream transportation would be MY LICENSE. So I can have a car and get to 0 period on time for once.

The solo on this song is hella bad ass. damnnnnn. <3

Listen to it, "Free Bird-Lynyrd Skynyrd"

Fuuuuuck. This is so unusual to me. What's goinnng on with my braiiinnn? Get out of my mind, I don't need this distraction. Guh.

I feel so...*******. Haha. : p

shiiitt, I just remembered my dream; I was at school naked.


:O

Make yourself. Don't fake yourself.

My life is one continuous counter-clockwise circle. I want things to change. In order to change, I need to FOCUS on the more important things. It's not as easy as it sounds...

Beside my unstable state of mind, I can still laugh. I meant to write about this..

Saturday, the morning of the 13th of September, I'm sleeping like a baby, dreaaamming away when I suddenly awake to a serious dark tone. It was my mother, of course. I didnt realize I was startled out of bed until I acquired the fact that I was sitting up already. I noticed I had butterflies, what for? "Alyssa, I need to talk to you and unfortunately this can't wait. I need you to get up right now"

I get up, and too fast because I had those stars in my eyes when you feel sort of euphoric. We walked to the kitchen and my mother starts off. "Okay, I need you to be completely honest with me. This is serious," Feeling nervous and confused I wanted her to get it out already. "Uncle *** said that he was on a website and saw a video of a girl that looks exactly like you who was showing her breasts." I felt instant relief at that moment. I would never do such a thing. I sighed of relief, still wiping my eyes from waking up and reassured her that it wasn't me. "Are you sure? Be honest with me. If it is you, I need to know so we can take it off that website." "No mom, don't worry, it wasn't me." Once more, "Alyssa, he says it looks JUST like you, same hair, same big boobs, (HAHA) uncle said he's 90% positive it's you."
I went back to bed once I told her over and over not to fret. Once she found out it really WASNT me a couple days later, she kept teasing me about it! OH well, we all have our twins...it just so happens that my twin is a slut. D:

I hate feeling insecure. I don't enjoy worrying about looks. They shouldn't be important, and I don't want to focus on them anymore. I hate feeling lifeless and pretending to smile all the time. Not to say if I've ever laughed with you that it was totally fake. But I'm just not too content with the way things are going. They can get better, but I need to focus. AND I need to focus on things that matter. I'm just a little empty these days..

and inviting! ( : Just for now at least...

I would absolutely love to live in Italy. The scenery is amazing and I would get the privilege of seeing it everyday. Plus, I would pick up the Italian language, which is so beautiful. 
If not Italy, maybe Greece. The style of homes are exquisite! And the view from the mountains of the ocean would be something I'd love to look at everyday.
If not those, then Alaska. As much as I like the sunny hot days, I'm still a fan of the cool winter. It just gives all the more reason to cuddle with a blanket next to a fire with some hot chocolate. M-hm. ( :
Or, if not in a foreign country or state, then it would be neat to live in the fast-paced Los Angeles. Live there for a couple years, get it out of my system, then move somewhere calm and peaceful.

Hmm...I was really into cartoons as a kid, yeah who wasn't? My favorites included; Courage the Cowardly Dog, Lizzie Mcguire, AHHHH! Real Monsters, Two Angry Beavers, Two Stupid Dogs, Johnny Bravo, and Catdog. If I could bring one back though..oo hard one. Probably Two Angry Beavers or Catdog. Those were really funny and more entertaining. (:  I'm sure anyone would agree with me. :p

Sure do. It's compulsive things though. For example, if I were to spin around in one circle, I'd have to spin the other way to get 'even.' If I don't, I'll get dizzy. Or even watching someone else spin, I'll want them to spin the other way! Same thing if I were tapped on the arm or something, I'd feel uneven if my other arm was untapped. Not to mention, I get car-sick sooooooo easily. Hmmm...nervous habbit though? I pick at my cuticles like NO other. I haven't really noticed anything else. And I always plug my nose when someone around me coughs or sneezes because I'm afraid I'll breathe the germs. :/  

So I was privileged enough to get to go to Warped Tour this summer. Thanks mommy! And my experience was awesome. Not that awesome, JESSICA. :p

Buuut I did get to see some pretty great bands. For example...Katy Perry, Angels & Airwaves, Gym Class Heroes, Norma Jean AND mary-jane. :p And Mayday Parade, some of Rise Against, From First To Last, The Academy Is...and others. But is was so fucking hot there and I am really dark. Guh, that's what I get for forgetting sunscreen.

But there were also cons involved..since I went to the one in Fresno, I stayed with my cousin for a couple days and her friend Brandon got our tickets for us online..so we went to his house to get the tickets and his mom was going to take us. When we arrive there, feeling like a complete idiot, I confess that I forgot my ticket at his house. AND it didn't help that his mom wasn't answering his phone calls. Sooo I had to pay him for the ticket he got me, and the ticket I had to replace it with. :(

When Miranda and I started walking around looking for bands playing, I saw this boy I know. So I said, "Miranda! Let me introduce you to my friend Joe! I think that's him!" I started to walk up to him, but I realized he was hanging out with people I've never seen him hang out with. "Oh well, maybe they're just guys I haven't met." This guy was even wearing the same shirt Joe ALWAYS wore. So I start walking up again..then I decided to turn around because I felt stupid. Good thing I never went up to him. Later that day when I was walking around alone, I saw him again and realized it's not Joe! Whew. But then I started freaking out at the obvious CRAZY resemblence between him and Joe. Only difference was that he was a toothpick. Haha. But that's not all....!

Two days later when I was in Oakhurst with my family (About an hour away from Fresno) We decided to head out to get something to eat. They all wanted Taco Bell, and I wanted Subway, so we went to Taco Bell first. Yeah so I'm sitting with my baby brother of 6 months and my cousin Daizy, who is 9. My Grandparents and my aunt were sitting at another table. After a while I see these skater-ish boys walking up to come inside when I stared at one in particular..it was the guy that looked like Joe! I tried to focus my eyes better to make sure that was really the boy I saw at warped two days before. Yes, it was. I felt disgusting though, I had not make up on and I looked like I just woke up. hahaha, so I tried hiding from him the whole time. He might have noticed me too from me walking up to him at warped. Guh, I would have approached him to tell him this HILARIOUS story if I didn't look like a homeless person and a teenage mother. >:|  It also didn't help that 4 more guys came in looking like ABERCROMBIE models. hahaha. I practically ran out when we were done.

The end. : )

        Okay, in my dream/nightmare I was living in a house in New York. One night I had discovered we had some sort of small basement in our home, so I decided to bring down my mom and show her. She had Gavin, my baby brother of 6 months, in her arms. It was dark in there, only lighting was from the hallway upstairs, but did help some, and had white tile floors. Sort of like the tile floors you would see in a 'Saw' movie. And there were trees in this basement, huge fuckin trees that were so tall. But the thing was, I could only see the tops of the trees. So the rest of the trees were waaay down were you couldn't see, like a cave. I threw a rock down to test how deep it was...it took forever. I realized that if you would point at the trees, they would light up, kind of like christmas trees. So that's what I had wanted to show my mom. I was there just pointing at all the lights and whatnot, when I think I was holding Gavin at the time, I accidently dropped him down where the trees were. The trees were somehow alive, so they caught him, but then dropped him.
         So here I am panicking for my life, basically. I didn't know what to do, it was too far down for me to go without a ladder to get out. I said to my mom, "uhh, mom? I dropped Gavin, we need to do something...quick." (I was really fucking scared, I love Gavin, I really wish I wouldn't have dreamt of this.)
        So the next scene in my dream was pointless and outside in a field in town that was really windy, and everyone started 'flying', my grandma was even there.
        Okay, next scene, I went to the basement to try to, somehow, get Gavin. But when I went, it looked extremely different. It had bodies and skeletons and it scared the shit out of me. Then I realized Jigsaw had something to do with this, someway or another. (Jigsaw=Guy from 'Saw' Movies) And the trees were even gone, so there was this little horizontal cave-like path in front of me...I was going to go in, but my flashlight broke. So my uncle and I went to some sort of 'home depot' store to get supplies. We bought flashlights, big ceiling lights, shovels, whatever we thought we might need. Next thing I see, in the flash of an eye, all the lights were on and set up in the basement and Jigsaw tied up to a chair...the workings of my uncle.
        Then we went into the cave, which is now completely lit up, and saw a circle of cement on the floor in a corner. I picked up the circular piece of cement and saw my baby brother, there lying..alive, thank god. In a little hole that was dug for him to die in. I picked him up, arms and hands shaking. I turn around and it happened all too quickly for me to comprehend in time...Jigsaw got his way out of the ropes, picked up either a bat or shovel or something of that kind and wacked my uncle who immediately fell to the ground. This sudden flow of terror filled up my body in a second. It was my brother and I, versus him. That happened all too quickly, too. Next thing I know, my uncle is up, but Jigsaw has my brother. And he is stomping on him, jumping on him, killing him. My uncle and Jigsaw are fighting, and it's a fucking disappointment that all I could do was watch in fear, hysterically crying because he's killing my brother.
        Jigsaw succeeded in that deed shortly there after. However, my uncle won the war. He killed Jigsaw, I don't remember how, but maybe a huge blow to the face with a hammer or shovel. But finally Jigsaw was dead. I ran to him, punching his dying body with the agony that was flowing through me. My hands and arms were now covered in his blood. I didn't care, I gladly poured his blood everywhere around him. Sort of like a  "FUCK YOU, YOU'RE DEAD YOU PIECE OF SHIT." And it flashed before me, like the ending of 'The Illusionist', newspapers moving with Jigsaws' victims. The pictures in the newspaper were moving too fast for me to actually see the victims' faces. But the caption of the paper was something like, 'Three-hundred-and-something Dead, By 'Jigsaw' Murderer.' ..Pretty movie-like. Anyhow I proceeded to wipe my bloody hands all over that newspaper, only because I had basically just been through hell, torture. My uncle and I lived, but my brother... did not.
        Next thing I see through my eyes..is me, telling the story on some public bus transportation. Everyone looked very into the story, curious, except one person....and I realized he had the face of Jigsaw. It was him. I don't know how, because last time I checked,  we beat the shit out of him. But he was sitting there, alive, with that face that stares off into the distance. But I continued my story, feeling a little sick to my stomach.
        I was on the part where I said "and he killed him.." The people in the bus cheered, mostly because they thought I meant ..'and my uncle killed Jigsaw.' But I said right after, realizing my mistake, "No, Jigsaw killed my brother." They all sighed. Then suddenly I'm driving the fucking bus, just around town, almost getting into accidents. I stop it in the middle of the road, get out, and walk away, straight ahead. Only to come up with an idea that would end my suffering. I see the bus coming up along the road again, and I hurry to step in front of it...it's coming quite fast....and then--it hits me. I don't remember feeling a thing. I just remember flying up to the clouds. I'm dead.
        The good news, I went to heaven. To a room that resembled a cafeteria, an immensely large one. I thought maybe it was the gateway into heaven..? Right after, I see someone I know, a friend. I see Jonathan. I ran up to him, nudging his arm, hugging him right after. "What happened to you?!" Because I know I'm dead, so this must be a place of recently dead people. I can't remember what he said, but he seemed happy. Unexpectedly I see more people I know. My uncle, my mother. I guess they died when I was telling my story on the bus. But I also see some more familiar faces..like Jessica Saad, Ariel, Jay and Anthony. I run up to Jay and Anthony asking what the hell happened to them. "Dude, we just fucking fell asleep and never woke up I guess." I don't remember asking Jessica and Ariel. But our group started to get curious, asking one another what we think heaven will be like. I guess some already knew the answers. After getting some answers to questions I don't remember, Ariel and I simultaneously asked "Can we listen to music in heaven?" Some guy said no, but he was obviously being sarcastic. Next thing that happened is we were in heaven, but free to roam the world in our spirit-form.
        I went back to the street I died on. And no one saw me, but one man.......my uncle. He was carrying something in his arms, but I couldn't see until he started walking closer to me.  It was my brother. I ran to him, running faster than I knew I could, flowing through the streets like a feather. I grabbed my brother and cried, with joy, of course.
        Later, a different day at hand, some people and myself were flying through the night skies of New York. It must have been the future because a form of transportation was a train on top of buildings. Don't ask me how, because I have no fucking clue.  I sensed it was having some dangerous technical difficulties. I flew down to see the problem. I recognized a face in the train. Some good friend, or family member. Being an 'angel' now, I fixed the problem in a heartbeat, although the people in the train not knowing that it was a heavenly spirit coming to be their guardian angel. But I looked at my familiar friend, did something with my body to let him see me, winked at him, and disappeared into the sky.